


Stargazer

by AliceinHyruleBastion



Series: 花束的心跳 [2]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Iwa-chan is so far gone, M/M, but then again when isn't he, canonverse, eh I dunno, or is it starGAYS?, sa p jfc, short and sweet, songfic once again!, the whole team makes an appearance at some point, they stargaaaaaaaaaze
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-29
Updated: 2018-05-29
Packaged: 2019-05-15 12:23:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,552
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14790467
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AliceinHyruleBastion/pseuds/AliceinHyruleBastion
Summary: Simple truths, simple realizations- complicated resolutions.The stars may be gorgeous, but they shine with an unfathomable light-The same light that shines within Oikawa Tooru, one that has Iwaizumi Hajime hopelessly entranced.





	Stargazer

**Author's Note:**

  * For [itsyaboikawa](https://archiveofourown.org/users/itsyaboikawa/gifts).



> Short and sweet, this is another gift to soothe the school-addled soul, so there's nothing too much to say about this other than enjoy!! 
> 
> Song is Lost Stars, by Adam Levine, which I recommend listening to for general IwaOi feels and ambience!

_ [With gorgeous freckled pinks blushing through the elegant and sweeping petals, Stargazer Lilies represent  _ **_optimism_ ** _ and a  _ **_heaven on earth,_ ** _ a  _ **_paradise even among the stars.]_ **

 

**_“Please don't see just a boy caught up in dreams and fantasies_ **

**_Please see me reaching out for someone I can't see…”_ **

 

_ Oikawa Tooru is beautiful.  _

 

It was a thought that Iwaizumi Hajime knew painfully well, felt it thrumming in his veins and in his unsteady heartbeat sick with waves from the Milky Way. 

 

They both knew that they couldn’t hide anything from the other as they knew each other inside and out, every speck of light, every slant of shadow-

 

_ He loves pastel and flowers, loves taking pictures of things but not of himself unless he has makeup on, hates the taste of tea and prefers coffee either black as the abyss or more sugary than clouds, loves to swoop his kanji together but forgets the easy words-  _

 

_ He builds a tower of pride around him to hide the fact that inside he crumbles like a black hole, constantly devouring himself from the inside out as he tries to gather every ounce of praise and power from everyone he meets, be it with a word, a gesture, a flirty phrase, a cheeky smile, a dramatic- yet always killer- serve-  _

 

-that lit every back way and forest path of their hearts. He can read Tooru so well it  _ hurts,  _ and sometimes it does when he watches him flirt incessantly, emptily, with smiles flat and lifted like a bare of false teeth  _ (his eyes crinkle and he always throws his head back when he laughs, unattractive yet raw and sincere-)  _ that drags fish hooks through Hajime’s chest and annoyance across his face with the twitch of his eyebrow. 

 

_ [Oh no, I made him upset again- did I take it too far? Does he know that I’m just-?] _

 

Hajime yells at Tooru, of course, barking at him for wasting time and being a nuisance before he fists a hand in the back of Tooru’s jacket to tug him away, rolling his eyes so hard they sting as Tooru blows overdone kisses to the fans they leave behind. 

 

Tooru was a pain in the ass- an idiot-savant-genius that frustrated him to no end and pushed Hajime’s buttons like no one else he knew, a constant shadow by his side for as long as he could remember, even when Hajime had two inches over him for the longest time until Tooru had a growth spurt at 13 and left Hajime behind.  _ (“Iwa-chan, you’re so short now!” _

 

_ “I’m still big enough to kick your ass, so watch it, Shittykawa.”  _

 

_ “You swore!”  _

 

_ “Yeah? What’s it to you?”  _

 

_ “You’re not  _ **_supposed_ ** _ to! I’m telling Mom!”  _

 

_ “Wha-  _ **_Hey!”_ ** _ ) _

 

Omnipresent, ever glittering and burning, burning burning  _ burning  _ into the back of Hajime’s eyelids and the insides of his ribs-

 

So of course he’d fall in love with Tooru.

Of  _ course.  _

_ (It couldn’t be anyone else…. right?) _

 

**_“Take my hand, let's see where we wake up tomorrow_ **

**_Best laid plans sometimes are just a one night stand.”_ **

 

**_—————_ **

  
  


**_“I’ll be damned- Cupid's demanding back his arrow…”_ **

  
  


With the realization solidified like a comet, burning and freezing at the same time in his stomach, Hajime couldn’t help but look a little closer at Tooru- 

 

The gnawed edges of his cuticles he tried to hide with layers of clear polish (or light pink sometimes, even mint for his birthday), the extra smudges of concealer under his eyes-  _ he hasn’t been sleeping again; I’ll have to come over and force-feed him before he gets stressed because of that stupid college exam (why is he even worried? He’ll get in anywhere)-  _ the ever-present sparkles that lingered in his hair, on his skin, his lips, his tongue, his words, his  _ eyes- _

 

“Iwa-chan, are you okay? You’re glaring at me, and your face is all red.” 

 

Hajime snapped back into focus, clearing his throat awkwardly and curling his fingers into fists.  _ (Tooru’s hands have always been prettier than mine. Pale and thin, easy to hold whenever I have to drag him somewhere.)  _

 

“Iwa-chan?” 

 

“I’m  _ fine,”  _ Hajime bit out, and Tooru flinched for a microsecond before leaning forward to peer at him, squinting behind the rim of his glasses. 

 

“But Iwa-chan, you’re  _ blushing,”  _ Tooru said incredulously, and Hajime looked away as embarrassment burned at the back of his neck.

 

“Shut up, stupid,” he mumbled, and Tooru knit his eyebrows. 

 

_ [He didn’t deny it?] _

 

_ Crushes are annoying, _ Hajime thought resolutely as he buried his face into his arms as Tooru chortled upon asking which girl Hajime was thinking about. 

 

Hajime didn’t bother to correct him, and the comet kept circling, kept burning. 

  
  


**_“-so let's get drunk on our tears.”_ **

  
  


**——————**

  
  


**_“Who are we? Just a speck of dust within the galaxy?”_ **

  
  


“Do you ever wonder if we’re really useful in this world?” 

 

Hajime squinted, looking up from the screen of his phone to where Tooru was perched on the end of the bed, cross-legged in the ratty star pajama pants Hajime had bought him long ago. “What the fuck, Tooru?” 

 

That’s how it was at home- no ‘Oikawa’, no ‘Iwaizumi’; neither household allowed it, as they were all one big family, even with a street splitting them.

So Tooru and Hajime- or Iwa-chan, unfortunately- it was in the privacy of home, where Hajime sat with a blanket strewn over his legs that smelled of Tooru.

 

Tooru shrugged. “It’s a legitimate question,” he said breezily, leaning his chin into the palm of his hand. 

 

Hair a mess, face clean of makeup, and swaddled in comfy clothes- this was one of Hajime’s favorite Tooru’s, where Tooru didn’t have to dress up any part of himself. (Not that Hajime hated when Tooru dressed up, however.)

 

Hajime snorted. “Is  _ that  _ what’s been bothering you for the past twenty minutes? An existential crisis?” he replied, looking back at his phone. 

 

Tooru huffed before flopping over onto his side. “Don’t be rude, Iwa-chan,” he complained, curling into himself until his feet were pressed against Hajime, an insistent pressure that sent Hajime’s heart racing. 

 

“Don’t call me that,” Hajime half-heartedly scolded, but Tooru paid no mind to him as he flipped onto his back, stretching his legs into Hajime’s lap.

 

“I’m  _ serious,  _ Hajime,” he pressed, ignoring Hajime’s noise of complaint as Tooru wriggled into a comfortable spot.  _ (If you really love him, you  _ **_won’t_ ** _ kill him and bury him in the garden-)  _ “Do you ever wonder if there’s any reason we’re here? Like, aren’t we just an infinitesimal blink of time before life moves on, the stars barely even spinning before we’re gone? Like, where do we go? Do our lives repeat? Do we have other  _ selves  _ here? Are there other universes with other versions of this world?” 

 

_ “Woah,  _ woah, slow down,” Hajime interrupted, clamping a gentle hand on Tooru’s ankle. “You’re babbling; I can’t say anything if you don’t pick one question.” 

 

Tooru blew a low breath out of his nose, shutting his eyes; from this distance, Hajime could see how  _ long  _ his eyelashes were, how they brushed against his cheeks-

 

“Then what do  _ you  _ think, then?” Tooru said. “Why do  _ you  _ think we exist?” 

 

Hajime sighed, leaning back against the wall as he thought, forcing every nerve in his body to not say  _ I exist because of you  _ immediately. “Well,” he started hesitantly, rubbing small circles into the bone of Tooru’s ankle, “I think we’re supposed to not know. Maybe it’s not our decision, and maybe it is- like, maybe we can manipulate it to go where we’re needed, ya know?” 

 

It was messy and random, Hajime knew, but Tooru was still quiet for a moment, contemplating, before speaking up again. “Why do you think  _ you’re _ here?” he asked seriously. 

 

“To keep you from wreaking havoc,” Hajime deadpanned immediately, and Tooru shot up to stare at Hajime in shock. 

 

Tooru barely whined through half of the syllables in Hajime’s name before he started shrieking, Hajime digging his fingers into Tooru’s foot just where he knew he was ticklish. 

 

_ (Why  _ **_was_ ** _ I put here, then?  _

_ Is it because of him?) _

 

_ [I want to say something, but I can’t-] _

  
  


**_“Woe is me, if we're not careful turns into reality…”_ **

 

**_——————_ **

 

**_“God, tell us the reason youth is wasted on the young_ ** **_  
_ ** **_It's hunting season and the lambs are on the run-“_ **

  
  


It was an ache in his chest like taut heartstrings as he watched Tooru from a distance, so impossibly yet somehow so distant at the same time, like entangled particles- inseparable, but never able to touch. 

 

_ In any other situation we’d be dating,  _ Hajime thought bitterly as he watched Tooru chatter something at Yahaba, who seemed perfectly content in holding a conversation with one hand clamped around Kyoutani’s thigh to keep him from bolting out of the booth they were all squeezed into. Hajime sympathized; it was loud in the diner, and with the whole team talking and joking in the cacophony of the restaurant even  _ he  _ felt a little uneasy. 

 

He poked blithely at his food with his fork, not really focusing on anything spare the blur of Tooru’s hair. 

 

_ We practically live with each other, know everything about each other like some obnoxious symbiosis, and I know that if it were under any other lens people would say we were dating- hell, some already do, but…. it’s not like we’ve ever… well- _

 

_ (Except that one time when you were ten and you let him kiss you because he was curious.)  _

 

Hajime shut his eyes with a groan, letting go of his fork and rubbing his eyes.  _ God dammit. _

 

“You good, Iwaizumi?” Watari asked, his voice drifting from somewhere to his left from where he’d been talking with Kindaichi and Kunimi. Iwaizumi just grunted, not responding nor opening his eyes. 

 

“Iwa-chan?” Tooru’s voice broke in, softer and sincere for once, and Hajime felt his chest  _ burn.  _

 

_ Fuck me- this is bad. _

 

“‘S just noisy in here and I’m tired,” he eventually muttered, cracking open an eye to see Tooru giving him a concerned look that nearly gave him a heart attack. “What the fuck’s  _ that  _ look for? You look stupid,” he blurted dumbly, and internally winced when he saw Tooru flinch- a tiny thing no one but Hajime could have noticed- and effortlessly reassemble his expression into one of placid teasing.  _ Oh god, it’s the asshole mask. _

 

“If you passed out, I’d have to explain to your mother why and  _ then  _ I’d have to go through all the effort of consoling the poor woman, and  _ that _ just sounds exhausting,” he said breezily, propping a hand under his chin with a liquid look of a  _ minx  _ on his face. 

 

Hajime’s eyebrow twitched. 

 

“You’re so fucking annoying,” Hajime settled on bitterly, ignoring how Tooru daintily gasped as Hajime dug into his food despite how dry his mouth felt. 

 

“What did I say, Shige-chan? He’s so  _ rude!”  _ Tooru complained, and Yahaba snorted. Iwaizumi rolled his eyes, but as he looked across the table he saw Hanamaki and Matsukawa looking at him with matching knowing expressions. Matsukawa’s eyebrow was raised high, and through the smirk on his lips Hanamaki mouthed a direct  _ ‘whipped’  _ to Hajime that made his face burn. 

 

***

 

_ [I don’t think he knows- he hates me, doesn’t he? _

_ I’m just a nuisance, a fake- of course he does.] _

  
  


**_“-searching for meaning...”_ **

 

**_————————_ **

 

**_(“And I thought I saw you out there cryin’-“)_ **

  
  


They’re on the roof, side by side on a summer night as the cicadas sang around them and the warm wind curled and licked across their skin and it was silent to the point that Hajime was internally  _ screaming.  _

 

They were so close, their  _ fingers  _ were so close, and Hajime wanted nothing more than to just reach out and lace those pretty hands in his own and bridge the gap over the river in his heart that was threatening to drown him. 

 

Tooru was  _ right beside him,  _ knees tucked up to his chest and chin rested on top of them as he cranes his head back to stare at the night sky aimlessly, just like any other night on their summer vacations ever since they were old enough to be allowed up on the roof slats. The wind blew through Tooru’s hair, lifting the strands around his face as the stars reflected in his eyes and drew light from his skin like freckled moonlight as they peeking through the shifting clouds above; Hajime couldn’t focus on anything through the beating of his heart.

 

_ Too deep, too close, too dangerous- _

_ I don’t want to lose him.  _

 

“Iwa-chan?” 

 

Hajime flinched.  _ Stop staring.  _ “What?” 

 

“What do you think of the stars?” 

 

It was an odd question, one that made Hajime freeze in confusion as he knit his eyebrows, but from the quiet tone of Tooru’s voice and the gentle syllables that spilled from his lips, it wasn’t a joke. 

 

_ What’s he angling for? _

 

**_(“And I thought I heard you call my name-“)_ **

 

Hajime hummed, thinking, trying to force down the racing torrent of responses that came to his tongue:

 

_ There’s a fuck-ton of them, yet you can still rattle off the names of so many without even thinking that it makes my head spin; you can draw our birth constellations with ease; they look beautiful reflected in your eyes like they were meant to be there; they’re ancient and endless and innumerable and so  _ **_so_ ** _ far away and yet you still adore them all-  _

 

-yet, as Tooru turned to look to Hajime, eyes soft and searching and something warm that he couldn’t identify as they glowed in starlight, what came out of his mouth instead was:

 

“They’re not as pretty as you are.” 

 

Tooru went stiff, eyes widening, and Hajime froze, mouth agape. 

 

_ Oh fuck, I didn’t.  _

 

**_(“And I thought I heard you out there cryin’-“)_ **

 

Hajime tried to backtrack, stuttering and slurring as he backpedaled, but Tooru just reached out to press the flat of his hand against Hajime’s leg, and Hajime didn’t know if he was trying to steady himself or Hajime. “Did you- do you  _ really _ mean that?” he asked incredulously, and Hajime looked away, hands scrunching in the roof tiles as he tried to ignore how Tooru’s fingers  _ burned.  _ There wasn’t any drop of sarcasm nor arrogance in his question, none of the usual  _ ‘Well of course I am, I’m gorgeous!’   _ That Hajime was expecting, and that somehow made it worse. “Hajime?” 

 

“Don’t say anything,” Hajime blurted, mortified, not looking up because he knew the second he did Tooru would see the truth directly in his eyes; there was no hiding.

 

Tooru’s fingers twitched, hesitant, and it was silent for a second before he broke in the silence. “Then… can I _do_ something instead?” he whispered, reverent and shy, tentative at the most, and Hajime didn’t know what to make of it. 

 

“Whatever,” Hajime forced out, squeezing his eyes shut to will away the flush of embarrassment down his neck-

 

-when they snapped right back open when the hand on Hajime’s thigh moved to join to other against Hajime’s cheeks, meeting uncertain brown eyes right in front of him. “Tooru? What’re you-?” 

 

(Galaxies spun in Tooru’s eyes, and Hajime was breathless-) 

 

“Telling you,” Tooru mumbled vaguely before pressing his lips squarely to Hajime’s, eyes squeezed shut as Hajime inhaled sharply. 

 

It was short, sending sparks of shock down Hajime’s spine before Tooru pulled himself away, hands dropping from Hajime’s cheeks to his shirt.  _ (No no no, come back, don’t leave-) _

 

Hajime was  _ dumbstruck.  _

 

_ “Fuck,  _ I can’t believe I just did that,” Tooru muttered under his breath, and Hajime’s eyes widened as he tried to process what just happened. 

 

“You- what? Did you just-?” Hajime babbled uncharacteristically, and Tooru groaned.

 

“I’m  _ so sorry, _ that was weird, you can hate me if you want,” Tooru forced out rapid-fire, pulling his hands away from Hajime as he’d burnt himself and starting to shove his face into them when Hajime snagged his wrists; Tooru froze. 

 

“Why did you just-?” Hajime started, but Tooru cut in.

 

“-kiss you? I don’t  _ know,  _ it’s nothing- I just wanted to try something-“ 

 

_ “Don’t  _ lie to me,” Hajime said coldly, and Tooru’s head snapped over to him in shock.  _ “You _ don’t just do things like that for no reason.” 

 

Tooru seemed to wilt, wrists going slack. “You don’t know that,” he said petulantly, and Hajime squeezed his wrists. 

 

“I  _ know you,  _ Tooru,” he reminded, and Tooru’s chest hitched. 

 

“I’m sorry,” Tooru murmured, and Hajime sighed sharply. “I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable.” 

 

Hajime blinked.  _ Oh, for the love of god.  _ “Tooru.” 

 

“What?” Tooru snapped, but it was quiet and almost hurt. 

 

“Can I kiss you again?” 

 

Tooru’s head whipped up in shock, and Hajime wanted to laugh at how funny his face looked as wayward locks of hair blew into it.  _ “Why?” _

 

Hajime took a deep breath and blew it out before looking Tooru dead in the eye, enunciating each word clearly. “Because I’ve only just realized I’ve been in love with you for  _ god knows how long  _ and I want to kiss you again,” he said bluntly, eyes only widening when he saw Tooru do something uncharacteristically rare- 

 

He  _ blushed.  _

Not a dainty one either. 

 

No, it was one that started in the apples of his cheeks and bloomed outwards, hot and bright as it flushed down his neck and turned his ears cherry, and it was so strangely lovely on him that Hajime nearly choked.  _ Someone save me- he’s going to be the death of me.  _

 

“Haji-“ 

 

_ “Just be quiet for ten fucking seconds,”  _ Hajime breathed, before jerking Tooru forward by his hands, releasing them, and slapping his hands to Tooru’s face to kiss him back with more fervor than before. 

 

This time, he didn’t let Tooru escape- 

And Tooru didn’t try to.

 

As they melted into each other, Tooru’s hands crept around until they were looped around Hajime’s neck, one hand toying at the hair there, and Hajime just stroked Tooru’s cheeks as he focused only on the flame of touch between them both burning like a supernova. 

 

It was inevitable, predestined;

who else could fit each other’s puzzle pieces then someone who knew all of the snags and edges already?

 

_ I’ve loved him my whole life,  _ Hajime realized, suddenly laughing against Tooru’s lips, who broke away to gaze at him in concern, eyes bright in the night. “Iwa-chan, you’re crying,” he said gently, and Hajime felt a thumb trace under one of his eyes. “I didn’t mean to upset you!” 

 

Hajime leaned into the touch, laughing uselessly before surging forward to wrap his arms around Tooru in a sudden burst of affection, one hand cradling the back of his head as he cried harder; happy tears burned with laughter forced its way from his throat as he realized how  _ stupid  _ it was to ever worry. 

 

“Iwa-chan?” 

 

“God, I  _ love you,  _ Tooru,” Hajime blurted, grinning when he felt Tooru’s body shake with laughter. 

 

“Of course you do, idiot,” Tooru teased, voice watery as well as he slipped his arms around Hajime and pulled himself into Hajime’s lap. “I love you too- have for a long, long time.” 

 

They were the same words they’d said to each other millions upon millions of times and that didn’t change them, but now it was as if they were noted finally on pitch, stars finally falling, galaxies finally glowing just right. 

 

Tooru rested his face in Hajime’s shoulder with a weak laugh, and Hajime just instinctively tightening his arms around him. “I’m just sorry it took so long to figure out.” 

 

Hajime let out a breath and looked up at the sky, at the blues and whites speckling the black velvet of the night. “I think we both just kinda knew from the beginning,” he said honestly, and Tooru snorted.

 

“Bet you ten dollars Mattsun and Makki figured it out first.” 

 

Hajime barked a laugh, a firecracker in the silence. “I think I’d already win knowing them.” 

 

Tooru laughed into Hajime’s shirt before turning his head enough to look up at him, not really saying anything, watching Hajime with a strange fondness that warmed him from the inside out. 

 

“What? Got somethin’ on my face?” Hajime demanded. 

 

“Other than my saliva? Nope,” Tooru joked, and Hajime wrinkled his nose as Tooru laughed again.

 

“You’re so gross,” Hajime complained, but his hold on Tooru didn’t loosen.

 

“And yet you still love me,” Tooru teased, an age-old taunt that held just a tiny bit more of weight to it now than before. 

 

“You’re annoying.”

 

“Am not!” 

 

“Yeah, you are.” 

 

“But-  _ Hajime!” _

 

_ “What?” _

 

“You called me  _ pretty!”  _

 

“I didn’t- you-  _ Shut up!”  _

 

“If it’s any consolation, I think you’re pretty too,” Tooru said suddenly, serious, but with a touch of gentleness too it that made Hajime’s breath hitch. “Like a forest, present and eternal, never wavering.” 

 

Hajime’s heart lurched, and he blinked, before deadpanning a “You’re weird.” 

 

Tooru started to complain and whine, and Hajime just pressed a kiss to the top of his head and shut him up, pulling him closer to his chest until they were one and the same- unbreakable. 

 

Above them, the stars laughed and danced, reflected in their skin and their hearts and their eyes, sincere and wondrous. 

 

**_“But are we all lost stars-_ **

 

**_-trying to light up the dark?”_ **

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading!! I hope you enjoyed. :)
> 
> Comments and critiques are highly appreciated!


End file.
